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Stress.

9/11/2012

    Stress? I Don't have stress, stress is for old people.
    "You think you're stressed!? Try going to school coming home cook, and clean for this family!" Momas and dads always exclame.
    Well that's phony, I'm 16 years old and I'm stressed out everyday of my life, oh and if something isn't perfectly on time, all hell breaks loose! Now must of the timeI can deal with it and breathe through it. but those special times where you have to scream and cry and tell everyone in the world to leave you alone for their sake. Well here's a perfect example.
     In January, i left everything i knew, everyone i loved, and my comfort zone to come to a new high school. My brother was in college and he was screwing up, and I was 15 and thought I ruled the world. I was a sophmore and I was proud! Now my old school was not the best school, there were over 4000 kids there and there was so mch drama! So my mother moved me 20 miles away. Doesnt seem that far, well when you cant drive it seems like it takes years. I registered for school and was mad as ever, I mean mugged everyone, I was in ROTC and I didn't know the Creed, and all my classes were so much farther behind than my old school, which you would think would be good, but no it wasnt, they taught so much different and I had no clue what they were talking about! And oh buddy I felt like crying every moment of every second. At Lunch I went to the bathroom and poured my eyes out, called my best friend at school, and she listened to me. After school walking to my mom's car, I broke down, I cryed all the way home and all night. I hated it.
    Now that I'm here I found my place in this school, I don't feel like a no body and I belonged, well as much as you can belong in a judgemental high school setting, I wouldn't go back to Norcross, I miss my friends, and I miss the school, and being challanged, but I don't misst he chaos!
    Breathe, sleep, eat, and take things slow. Everything works out in the end how it's supose to. So if you don't think my experience was as stressful as I truly belive it was, I'd like to see if you can top it.

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Pride with a Challenge

9/10/2012

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    We rely on things that keep the world in balance, right? Why though? Because our mommy's and daddy's told us that's how it is? Or because God , or who ever your family believes in, made you who you are?
    I'm Zay I'm 19 and I live in Opecca. It's a pretty nice place. oh no I'm sorry I lied, it's hell here! Everyone walks around so god damn happy all the time like they don't sit at home and cry them selves to sleep. Around here no one has a say in anything. Everyone looks the same, talks the same, walks the same, hair is done the same, we all look like a bunch of clones. Well except me. I don't exactly fit in here, Mama doesn't really appreciate it either. Having no idea what to do with me, she just acts like I don't exist 90% of the time. I could care less that she thinks about me though. I am a girl, I have always been a girl, and I love being a girl, but not everything isn't normal with me.
    Granny said,"You're crooked, sum'in aint right wit chu you look like a stud but you're a bitch underneath it. Fix ya self or I'll have ta fix ya, got it!?"
    I love myself though, so I refuse to flee just because I don't please everyone by who I am. I am who God made me, that's what they teach you in Sunday school from the time your 4 years old, "You're all Gods little children," except if you're a little faggot like me.
    I'm in love, the most beautiful creature that I've ever laid eyes on. Five feet and five inches tall without her heals, that make her figure mesmerizing, just the height and stature that i can kiss her nose. Her locks are seemingly perfect falling down her back, so silky so bright. I met her three years ago, she came into mt work and from then on I knew it would be forever. She had a daughter, Vellencia, she's three now but she left the community with her grandmother when she was born, Amillyana didn't want her to grow up here. She hates it, where the men are pigs, clones, rapists and have no moral respect for anyone or anything, she couldn't let herself make the same mistake her mother made for her, to keep her daughter in a society like this one.
    It wasn't too long ago Mama walked in. We thought she was at work and going out of the of the community so she can go around being the good girl everyone sees her as. But Amillyana and I had called out from work that day, since it was her 23rd birthday, and all wanted was me. So I gave her what she wanted, all of me.
    Amillyana yelling out, Mama busts in hollering, "Zay Taylor Errie! What in God's name do you think you're doing!? Who is this slut you brought into my house!?" My face and back were as read as her 6 inch stilettos that she kicked off at the stairs so we wouldn't hear her coming. That's when Mama found out the truth. I love women, a woman, my woman.
    Mama, she never understood, she was the most captious person I has ever known in my nineteen almost twenty years of living, a double life, a disgusting fake double life. ON the weekends she would leave the community and do who knows what, I just know i would have to rehabilitate her before requisite church on Sunday. When Sunday came along and she would repent the same thing she has for the past twenty sum years, she would turn into the once again rude, glowering, hateful mother that i knew and everyone else refused to notice. Loving your mother and father, respecting them, doing what they tell you to do, after all she did give me life, but our home it was a secret, Opecca is a district of secrets.
    I never fully saw Amillyana again. Mama sent me away to the church, a cold hateful, place disrespectful to the human soul. She has no idea what i had to go though.
    "She's crazy!"
    "She's Possessed!"
"That's not my daughter!", everyone exclaimed around the town, Mama was the worst of all the townsmen. She completely disowned me; never saw me, and would tell everyone in the church what she has witnessed like they aren't doing the same or worse to their husbands. What's the difference? So what if we are woman, my body, mt sexuality, my morals, my life, my bedroom, not anyone else's. I treat her like a queen she deserves to be when half of the women in this community go home to an inclement husband and children who walk all over her.
    One slab, one door, over head lights that swings slightly, one priest, two nurses who soon left, and me; that was it, no one would talk, no one would tell me whats going on the nurses laid me down while setting a pillow behind my head. "In the Name of Jesus Christ, our God and Lord," the priest started to mimic like he's done this a thousand times, "strengthened by the intercession of the Immaculate Virgin Mary, Mother of God..." He went on and on the lights started flickering suddenly then violently, table and door started to shake rapidly, the pillow underneath me flew and smacked the Bible out out from the priest's hand. He kept going, "Of Blessed Micheal the Archangel, of the Blessed Apostles Peter and Paul and all the Saints..."
    Being put though an exorcist, I knew this is was going to be it. Mother ordered it, she wanted her daughter back, she hated everything about me, I wasn't hers anymore, I was alone in the world, no one came for me, no one loved me, no one felt what I had to do. Death, that's the type of life I live everyday from now on.
    I'll never see Mama again. Watching the love of my take her own life, I wished I could have stopped her and held her tight to tell her I was okay, and I love her. She had fled the day the church rung the bells that again another demon had been killed and balance was set back. Mama, Granny, and all the townspeople were happy once again. I have in myself, for now and for always, I am who I am.

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Lexxi

Music and Art are my life. Clean and simple, if i didn't have them I don't know where I would be. Receving the NROTC scholarship and attending GSU or VSU then joining the United States Navy. After the five years of service I'll decide to stay or go, and become a doctor. I have very strong passions for controversial topics. I love debate and I love to learn new opinions. Falling in and out of love, and watching things through out my life has made me more aware, and passionate about others and whats going on in their lives, it also allows me to open my mind and let things out. At the young age of 16 I have started to write a book Confessions of A White Lesbian. As I'm only so old, it will take a great amount of time to complete.

Stress.

Pride with a Challenge

Lexxi

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